Food + Friends + Family = Formula for Fracas

As promised in my Happy New Year 2019 post….I am going to fill you in on some events which made my 2018 so darn miserable!

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My family knows it. My friends know it. And even casual acquaintances know that I love throwing parties.

I love hearing funny jokes followed by crazy-out-of-control laughter…..and the immeasurable bond that ‘breaking bread’ with relatives creates. I love beautiful place settings and elegantly adorned tables. I get weak-kneed at the sight of simple,yet, beautiful centerpieces.

For me, planning a party is not stressful at all. In fact, it is therapeutic and relaxing to choose a menu and seat guests according to personality quirks and common interests. It’s a ‘social’ science to successfully pull off a happy and harmonious event.

But in 2018, mixing a healthy portion of Food, Family & Friends was a recipe for disaster.

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My husband and I hosted a dinner party in another state in 2018. I scouted out venues 10 months before the event just to secure the ‘perfect’ place. It was fun and festive! The food was fabulous – per the feedback from the dinner guests. Lots of loud laughing! Plenty of picture-taking and exchanging phone numbers!

BUT….. unbeknownst to me…a few female guests gathered after the party to highlight my personality flaws, expose my ‘true‘ motive for throwing the party, and took it upon themselves to assassinate my character or lack thereof. In fact, they were so emphatic about my low-life-self that this triumvirate tried fervorously to convince everyone within earshot to chime in on listing my faults and failures in life.

A few witnesses (with noted and sincere hesitation) came forward to enlighten me of these three ungracious guests. These genuine friends didn’t want these nasty dinner guests to have another golden opportunity to host-shame me in the future.

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Well, I planned an afternoon get-together by inviting a friend to introduce her new career opportunity to a group of more-than-eager potential customers. I provided the appetizers, gathered the guests, and organized the entire reception so that my friend could arrive without burden and use this event as a launch party of sorts for her brand-new business venture.

My friend was ecstatic at the thought of gaining new customers without a lot of strategy or effort. When I received the rsvp’s, I explained to the guests that if they were truly impressed, orders could be placed at the end of the party. My husband and I planned to order enough product to give as Christmas gifts to our business friends. More on that later…..

On the day of the event, I knew instantly something was wrong. “Something” was not wrong.

EVERYTHING was wrong.

The food was wrong. The timing of the event was wrong. The seating arrangement was wrong. The table arrangement was wrong.

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. My friend hated every aspect of the party. And her words and facial expressions made her dissatisfaction crystal clear!

Without an ounce of enthusiasm and a half-hearted attempt to introduce her new business, she mumbled through a disorganized presentation.

Suffice it to say, my husband and I never placed that Christmas order. We watched the hands of our watches tick very slowly….(Yes, we are Baby Boomers who still wear timepieces on our wrists!) . In fact, not one guest placed a single order. One couple privately confided to me, “Great product but……..” Nothing more needed to be said. I knew the unspoken explanation after the BUT.

And when I got a note of thanks from my ‘friend’ for throwing a private party in her honor…..I shoved that note into my paper shredder as fast as that machine could eat it.

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So what is the positive take-away in sharing these negative stories with you today?

Well……the positive outcome was a year of self-reflection and self-assessment. I truly meant it when I said that I was a Mean-Magnet last year. But if I was completely, totally, and absolutely honest with You, I am a well-known punching bag for hateful comments and remarks. And If there is blame to be had, I must admit that I am more than 50+++% at fault. Why? Because I am the proverbial conflict avoider extraordinaire. In the past, I just don’t ‘push’ back against aggressive words and behavior even when it’s justified. Instead, I slink away with my tail tucked between my legs like a beaten animal.

But…..In 2019, I will be resolute not to allow “friends” or family to kill my joy and happiness with sharp tongues and hateful words. As a writer and blogger, I understand the power and purpose of written and spoken words.

There is an ole’ adage: Stick and Stones may break your bones…..but Words can break your heart.

So in this glorious new year, I still may get hit with injurious words…..but in 2019, I will kindly let it be known that I will not tolerate the weaponization of words….and I will only seek the company of people with hearts full of kindness and gratitude.

And there you have it…..one of my major New Year’s Resolutions:

Dr. Jordan Peterson’s Rule #3 MAKE FRIENDS WITH PEOPLE WHO WANT THE BEST FOR YOU….from his best selling book – 12 Rules for Life.

This book is one of my recommended reads to anyone who wants to start the new year with a powerful book….and a new road map for living.

Talk soon.