Baby Boomers’ Guide to Happiness…

Buddy 

My dog son who is 90+ years old….enjoys the simplest of simple things.

He Finds that one, small patch of sunlight and plops down…to ENJOY the Moment.

A lesson to be learned.

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I am going to admit something today – but only to YOU.

This blog post was written (in my head) during the church service on Sunday morning.

Of course, I was paying close attention to the guest speaker – but he said something that sparked an idea that I had to share with you.

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As I mentioned in previous posts, I pitched a book idea – in Denver last summer – at a Writer’s Conference.

Lots of prep work and even more work after 1 literary agent liked my idea.

Too-many-hours-to-count of research and interviews with (Suburban and Urban) Baby Boomers and Millennials….

Keeping my fingers crossed that one day my hard work will be for sale somewhere – somehow.

 But even if this manuscript is never published, I still feel like I won BIG.

Why?

Because I learned so much about both generations and gained so much insight and perspective about Boomers (Me) and Millennials (My kids).

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Without re-writing my entire book during this short post, I have come to realize that a fair share* of  Boomers are not authentically happy and are genuinely dissatisfied.

And I am not referring to a devastating cause like the loss of a loved one or a bad medical report or being laid off without savings or the activities of a wayward child.

Nope.  No major disasters or catastrophes.  Just an acute case of very real dissatisfaction.

(Notice:  I didn’t choose the word – ALL – but definitely an inordinate amount of the Boomers sampled expressed feelings of being let down by life.)

So if I had to boil it down to name the 3 most common traits among the unhappy Boomers…

Here’s a snippet from my manuscript.  

(For my complete conclusions – You’ll just have to buy my book…if it’s ever published! That’s my feeble attempt at cutting a funny.)

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1.  Constantly Comparing…

Many Baby Boomers – much to their chagrin – claim that “ALL” of their friends are living in nicer homes and going on fancier vacations.  I wondered how on earth did they come to that obtuse conclusion.  They all had the same answer.  They had undeniable digital proof by the photos posted online by their friends/neighbors.

If this means that you must take a self-inflicted hiatus from social media… Then do it – already.

In collaboration with my findings, I spoke to a highly regarded therapist who indicated that this social media-induced malcontent was prevalent in her practice among Baby Boomers. This doctor had never experienced so many middle-aged adults suffering from depression caused by jealousy and envy…before the era of the ‘required daily dosage’ of social media,

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2.  Pursuing Perfection…

In full disclosure, I have a frickin’ Ph.D. in the Pursuit of Perfection.

It has taken decades of missing a whole lot of good while searching for that elusive perfection… before coming to my senses.  The perfectly cleaned home.  The perfect filing system.  The perfect container garden. The perfect stocking stuffers for my sons. The perfect cupcake baked. The perfect ensemble for my son’s wedding.  The perfect blog post.  The perfect Christmas party.  And on and on.

And then, an event (completely out of my control) occurred in 2013.  Without any choice in the matter, a strong message was sent my way which changed my outlook forever.  And that loud message was:

LIFE IS MESSY.  There’s nothing you can do but to process the problem as quickly as you can (with your spouse, children, siblings serving as a loving support system)…. and then – Get over it. NOW!

Perfection is and will never be your friend.

As I have confessed before, I have Obsessive-Compulsive tendencies.  That’s just me….down deep in my DNA. For the most part, it’s served me very well professionally and personally!  But now, I can honestly say I’m still on that path to perfection – but I’ve just redefined what PERFECT means.

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3.  Incessant Cynicism…

There is nothing wrong about being a skeptic!  Or exercising discernment.  Or being unconvinced until more research is conducted. Or choosing to have reservations.  Or being cautious and careful.   I believe hesitation before the “buy-in” is a sign of maturity, actually.

BUT….. the Baby Boomers who were sorely unhappy were not just doubtful or questioning types. No, it was a more intense broad-brush mistrust and distrust.  There was a profound pessimistic veil over all situations and/or people.

I get it.  Over time when life plays hard ball and you get hit in the mouth without warning, there will definitely be an understandable reflex to retreat for a while.  But just as I battled through my devastating circumstance in 2013, I had to fight through my substantiated feelings of betrayal so that my healthy skepticism does not transform into a toxic, permanent cynicism.

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Each characteristic – alone – doesn’t  produce unhappiness in middle-aged folks.

And too, there will be periods in your life due to unforeseeable situations that will cause you, perhaps, to bend toward Comparativeness, Perfection, or Cynicism.

I have found that the combination of all 3 traits – over long periods of time –  work in concert to cause unhappiness.

The strong undercurrent that life has not given you the same level of lifestyle that your friends enjoy… coupled with the notion that nothing you produced or created even comes close to perfection (in your opinion)… layered with the dark finality that everyone cannot be trusted….is the formula for unhappiness.

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So what can you do?

Talk to your spouse.  Seek professional advice.  Conference your pastor.  Or schedule a complete, annual physical with your physician to make sure nothing medical is causing these feelings.

As I have disclosed numerous times, I am not an expert or a scientist or a doctor.  But I am a blogger who cares enough to share information with my Readers.

Thank you for reading an excerpt – a very abridged portion – of my book on Baby Boomers and Millennials.

May Happiness fill the days of your life.

Be well, Friend.

Talk soon.