Do you want to know…what NOT to say to your child?

 

Photo taken from the side deck of our Lake House.

This is where we drink morning coffee and enjoy wildlife.

Difficult to see, but there is a turtle on the log. Give the picture a tap to enlarge photo.

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So here I am sitting on the cedar deck watching a family of turtles cordially taking turns – sunbathing on a short log. I am thinking that life cannot get better than this.

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I made a promise. Not to write one word during my [unplugging] weekend at the lake house.

I enjoy disengaging. And I love to read on my precious fin de semaine.

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Reading is an essential part of blogging.

I believe if I am an interesting Life Advice Blogger, then I must be a voracious reader.

During my down time, I need to scan and high-grade huge volumes of information – on your behalf.

Then, in a short blog post, I can make available small snippets of knowledge so that if interested, you can be directed back to the original source for a longer look.

That’s one of my goals for My Written Thoughts.

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So after my hour-long nap on Saturday, I began reading a favorite book, ‘blink’ (The Power of Thinking without Thinking) by Malcolm Gladwell.

Malcolm, as I call him even though we’ve never met, has given us modern-day ‘must reads’…but that’s a totally different post for another day.

So what compelled me to write on a Saturday evening?

Blame it on my ‘good friend’, Malcolm.

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Here are my thoughts that raced through my mind as I read ‘blink’.

We discount our children’s authentic and instinctive sensors. As innocuous as our off-the-cuff comments are, they do erode away at our little one’s ability to tap into their real feelings.

We tell our children, “No, you just think your bath water is too hot, but you’re wrong…it’s not hot at all….get in the tub!”

When my boys were little, this “bath water” example was given to me.

It’s not about the temperature of water.

It’s about allowing a child to trust their authentic ‘blink assessments’.

It’s about validation and preserving their instincts – no matter how insignificant the issue may be at the time.

Here’s an excerpt straight from Malcolm. (page 13)

“…And what do we tell our children? Haste makes waste. Look before you leap. Stop and think. Don’t judge a book by its cover.”

I think these words quietly tell our children – do not trust your own snap thoughts and opinions.

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All my life, I have been able to accurately ‘read’ people. Quickly.

I can peel away the crusty, and prickly layers of a personality to find a compassionate heart and soul. A good egg.

Conversely, I see right through false flattery and rehearsed, proper words – only to see a most hateful heart or manipulative motive. A bad apple.

But then again, I’m sure you can, too.

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Here are my final written thoughts on this topic.

I do believe, as adults, our ability to make intuitive assessments wears away.

We are admonished to guard against rush-to-judgements even when the stakes are high and could have serious consequences.

We purposefully dull our senses and discount our feelings even when danger could be present.

We know… what we know… when we know it.

But beginning as children, we are verbally instructed to ignore ‘blink-of-an-eye’ opinions.  And we get really good at questioning ourselves.

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Tomorrow, I will share a very personal story. A person accused me of trying to ‘read minds’ when my blink-barometer was working very well.

If you would like to read ‘blink’, here is a quick link to Amazon, one of the many stores where this book is available.