MOGs to MILs… [Mothers-of-the Groom becoming Mothers-in-Law]

I loved being a MOG.

 As soon as I heard the Big News that my son found the love of his life,  I didn’t let too much time pass before I started researching local venues for The Rehearsal Dinner.  As an event planner – menu choices, wine selection, and place cards are all exciting decisions.  But after the beautiful dinner party and lovely wedding ceremony, I graduated and increased my credentials from being a basic MOG into a MIL:  a Mother-in-Law.

Now, the hard part.

What kind of Mother-in-Law did I want to be?  I really couldn’t answer that question the day after the wedding.  All I knew was…I did not want to become a “monster-in-law”.  You remember that glorious movie in 2005 starring Jennifer Lopez and Jane Fonda!?  It’s a light-hearted comedy with a real-life undertone descriptive of some MILs that I have known throughout the years.

Knowing fully well that my ‘full throttle – 5th gear‘ personality and approach to anything and everything can be too, too much for the more laid-back personalities, I decided to slow it down and take a long look at other veteran moms-in-laws.

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Type I:  The Monitoring MIL

I have known women who are permanently inserted into the daily lives of their coupled children. They show up without calling.  They do without asking. They are and will always be a permanent fixture in the living room.

Type II:  The Missing MIL

And on the other hand, I have witnessed total hands-off moms who see their married kids (and/or their grandchildren) once or twice a year even when they have the means and time to take multiple vacations each year.  They are adamant that they have successfully raised their children and “Now they are finished with parental responsibilities!”  

It’s all about choices. Isn’t it?

Type III:  The Mentoring MIL

So how did I strike a balance from my authentic self of “Normal intensity times Ten” to ratcheting down to a level acceptable for a young, laid back and centered daughter-in-law?  Well, I must admit that on some days, I probably appear to be a wild animal on a mission to organize everything in sight….but I do believe on most days I achieve my chosen role as a Mentor-in-Law.

A very wise Mother-in-Law told me how she managed to be who her daughters-in-laws needed her to be.  One of her sons married a college professor with numerous publishing credentials who had definite drive and passion for teaching.  The other son married a wonderful young lady who was a dedicated stay-at-home mom and devoted wife.  She loved the beach and appeared to enjoy the simple things in life.  Both spouses were perfect choices.

So with two very different daughters-in-law, what is a mother-in-law to do?

That wise woman gave me timeless, sage advice.  Be the mother-in-law that your daughter-in-law needs you to be.  Whether it is a Monitoring, Missing, or Mentoring MIL….do yourself and your new member of your family a favor.  Let the daughter-in-law decide if she needs a best friend… or a relative who only shows up for Thanksgiving turkey….or a teacher who shares life lessons.

That extremely smart and sharp lady….was my very own mom.  A very good Mother-in-Law.