My KonMari Summary – Part 2: The ‘Difficult’ Benefits

Good Wednesday to YOU!

There are plenty of articles describing how an organized and tidied closet, drawer, or cabinet will calm your soul.

...Give your home peace and tranquility.

This description is simply the end product.

It’s the beautifully decorated cake on a crystal plate. It does not describe how the ingredients looked in the mixing bowl before the cake was baked.

__________________

Today, I am writing about the unexpected benefits…. about my very personal journey during the past four (almost five) months of KonMari.

My Backstory.

I walked into KonMari with a lot of life experiences.

In social circles – to appear appropriate or presentable in polite society – I usually remained silent when I disagreed with something said. The only time I protested or stood firm is when I witnessed the wrongful treatment of other people (or animals).

If someone slighted me or tossed a passive-aggressive remark my way, I pretended that I was covered in a protective, impenetrable shield. I gave the appearance that I was totally above the fray! Too, too confident to engage in a verbal defense of myself. So it is not completely unimaginable that I have frequently been an attractive target for the local bully my entire life.

Different Names. Different Faces. Same Bully.

Having said all the above, I am completely bold and confrontive if an attack is lodged against my beloved family, cherished friends, or a defenseless person or animal. My internal protector-at-all-costs persona emerges with instinct. It is my very natural reaction to be a defender of everyone….well, except me.

….So what’s up with that? Perhaps I was taught? conditioned? shamed? into thinking that I am not worthy of defending or standing up for? I actually know the answer to that obtuse question. But that’s not a KonMari post….that’s my unwritten manuscript for another day.

_______________

So on Monday, February 25th, with my carry-on bag of burdens packed over decades, I unassumingly began the “Clothes Category” of KonMari …without a hint that I was tidying up way more than my clothes closet.

Touch each piece of clothing. Tap each book cover to “wake it up”. Sift through each and every single momento/sentimental piece of memorabilia…and I promise, you will most definitely confront your past.

For me, emotions went swirling like a dust devil whirlwind.

The act of holding each piece – in my hands with great thought and respect – instantly gave me the power to relive the memories with great clarity and detail. The majority of memories were beautiful or pleasant thoughts of my childhood and college days and corporate career years and motherhood.

___________________

It was a welcomed experience to go back to the past.

BUT……there is a flipside to remembering!

On that flipside, I had to walk straight into some difficult darkness.

There were events that I suppressed and buried without ever rectifying or resolving. I felt the original pain of an unhealed wound – without the benefit of time lapsed.

Even though there were a number of powerful memories. I will share only 4 which will illustrate the ‘difficult’ benefits of KonMari.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

No woman should ever feel unsafe in the workplace. Not like I once did. As I discovered a box of Human Resource documents hidden in the deep recesses of my office closet, thoughts of being on the receiving end of thinly veiled threats by a male coworker made breathing difficult. He confirmed that he knew my husband was out of town on business before he began his verbal terror. I also remember checking my home alarm numerous times, keeping lights lit on every floor, and sleeping with one eye open while my husband was away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As I held an old flyer from a fundraising event – I remembered the ambush at a volunteer club meeting. I was asked to participate in unethical (?) Illegal (?) dealings. They asked me to do things which made me feel nauseated and completely uncomfortable. When I refused, a towering male club member shoved an object deep into my chest as intimidation and with clenched teeth said, “Do it.” I remember my whole body shaking like a leaf. Never shook like that before….or after…. that night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After sifting and sorting through a box of construction photos when my current home was being built….I sharply remembered a family member referring to my home as “the maid’s quarters” for my neighborhood. Really? This beloved relative even took it a step further by telling me that my neighbors probably tried to block the construction of my home! And on various occasion still refers to my home as the “poor part of town”.  [Always telling me she’s just joking, of course. HaHa!] So if an insult is costumed as a joke, it’s AOK.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There was a steady stream of humiliating tears when I held a formal invitation to a dinner party my husband and I hosted last summer. Months later, I was informed there was an unofficial “after party” privately held in a local hotel bar where I was the topic of conversation. A couple of reliable sources told me that one family member encouraged and prodded other guests to assassinate my character…. and host-shamed me about my dinner party.

Four tough examples unearthed by the last Memento Category!

____________________

The Unexpected and Difficult Benefits of KonMari

Every emotion was necessary, important, and essential…even the most intense and uncomfortable memories were needed to complete my KonMari Story.

So what did I do with all of this unpacked hodge-podge of nastiness?

Strangely enough, the most disturbing discovery wasn’t the evil and unseemly behavior of others….

It was the realization that I remained quiet after making very feeble and incompetent attempts to fight back. That was the most alarming and disappointing memory. My behavior.

So what changed going forward?

________________

-I confronted each situation wholeheartedly by carefully remembering each detail.

-I rewrote my ending in my mind’s eye…by changing how I handled each situation – this time with steadfast confidence – but void of malice or revenge – I made it clear that bullying, threatening, or attempts to humiliate me about my home or dinner party was not going to happen again.

-I now interact with ALL family members in a completely new way – taking a stand BEFORE their snide and snarky put-downs occur. And I put the one relative who called me horrific and abhorrent names after a festive family dinner party…on total extinction. I sill have care and concern for her well being….but I simply have too much respect for myself now to be exposed to her brand of bad behavior.

____________________

Suffice-it-to-say: KonMari tidied up more than my physical home.

Your know what? I KonMari’d my doormat persona….threw it away by thanking it for teaching me that I no longer want to be one. (Full disclosure: I kept the real doormat!)

It’s not that I don’t love my kitchen drawer that looks like a giant Bento Box. Or that I don’t stare with admiration at my linen closet because my sheets are large origami rolls. Yes! I am obsessed with the balance and beauty that KonMari has given my home.

But I am most grateful for the tidying of my unseen clutter.  

It’s not about the clothes.  Or the Books.  Or the Paper.  Or the Komono. Not even about the Mementos.   It’s about tidying your life.

I love what you have done for my life, Marie Kondo!

_______________

Come back for my last KonMari post. Summary Part 3.