We need to plant more trees.

The answer to that question in the ancient Chinese proverb is: 25 years ago.

The second question in this proverb is: When is the second best time to plant a tree?

ANSWER: TODAY.

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Hello Dear Readers.

I hope you are doing well.

As I mentioned during my last post – despite my concerted effort to focus on all things positive in 2021, my intentions fell flat. I felt like a negativity magnet.

Nothing felt right. Everything felt off.

This blog was created and designed to spread good thoughts, positive solutions, and joyful ideas. I sincerely felt like the wrong messenger for a positivity website this year – when I basically felt underwater and drowning for the better part of 2021.

But then I planted a tree. And, then I planted another one. Metaphorically and Literally.

As I always write…. if something is working well in my life, I am going to share it with YOU! I Promise.

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MY FIRST TREE PLANTED:

I admitted ….and took ownership …..of the fact I was in an epic “Shame Storm” (to use the vernacular of one of my favorite authors – Brene’ Brown). Instead of living life with the harmful feeling of terminal shame and heart-sick devastation, I finally confronted and relived that damaging day in 2018.

Brene’ Brown described shame in her Netflix special: “….shame is this – the feeling that you would get if you walked out of a room that was filled with people who know you and they start saying such hurtful things about you that you don’t know you could ever walk back in and face them again in your life.” Dr. Brown described – with ironic accuracy – what actually happened to me in the summer of 2018. (It was as if she used my situation in her definition.)

And I am brave enough to admit it today – to you…. that one life-changing incident unknowingly infected my thoughts, destroyed my feelings of self-worth, and tainted my overall perspective about family…. and life, in general…..until August 2021.

To be brief and to the point (since this is a blog post and not a book, for goodness sakes) – let me fill you in.

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My husband and I hosted an event which took months to properly plan and prepare. After our joyous party (which we thought was a festive celebration) ended, there was an impromptu ‘after-party’ which we did not attend. Later, we found out the disturbing details about that late night gathering.

Hateful and hurtful comments were hurled at us despite our obvious absence. The ringleader encouraged others to participate in the character assassination by prompting attendees to share personal stories of our failings and faults. Funny thing is – no matter how private a party may seem at the moment…. word travels straight to the ears of the assailed, don’t they?

I cried for months afterward – every time I thought about it. But then it was over. Or so, I had hoped.

Months passed without giving that night a second thought. I only remembered that horrible night when something triggered my memory. The severity of the vileness and viciousness was hard to permanently forget.

The stain of that night colored everything I thought about and did…..and I didn’t even realize it.

How could they? Why would they? We love them. And, I thought they loved us. I kept asking those questions – periodically over the years.

People I had confided in about my deepening hurt when it first happened, dismissed my shame as just “words”….and promptly instructed me to “get over it, already”. But true healing only began when I recognized the pure power of those toxic words and admitted the hold it had on my life. Just acknowledging the magnitude and the gravity of the situation – was my first tree planted.

MY SECOND TREE:

I introduced a lot of “New” into my life.

A new (part-time) hometown filled with new restaurants and shops. A new hobby – art class. A new population of people to meet. A new daily routine. A new table to write and blog. A new website to launch. Everything that was stale and stagnant has been replaced with fresh and fun.

I feel positive again. I feel hopeful for the first time in months. I am enormously grateful and blessed that God has given me the opportunity to experience’ newness’.

Every single photo from that night in the summer of 2018 was deleted from my digital photo library and all printed photos were put away from view. No more triggers. I am moving on….

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Thank you for reading. I wanted to share my shame storm story openly with you. I am hoping you never, ever have to deal with the humiliation we experienced, but if you have ….or will in the future, this post is just for you.

And yes, I am planting actual trees to commemorate my newfound milestones (so I can watch them grow and bloom)…I am not just talking about symbolic, metaphorical ones! We all need to plant new trees – real and figurative ones!