Written Thoughts…. from a not-so-crazy (definitely not rich) Oriental

 DOLLS FROM KOREA

(Purchased for my son when he studied the country of Korea – about 20 years ago)

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Okay.  I know.

My caucasian husband told me that it is not only improper – but definitely racially offensive to use the term “Oriental” today.

I get it.

But when you are born in South Korea, adopted by two caucasian parents as an infant, and are lovingly told that in no uncertain terms:  “You are an Oriental little girl from Seoul, South Korea.” And that’s a quote.

Well, it’s just hard to think of yourself in any other way.

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I absolutely loved, loved, loved the movie, Crazy Rich Asians.

It was funny, smart, and entertaining.

So sad when the movie actually ended!

And of course, it was full of stereotypical content regarding the Asian culture.  The you-will-never-be-good-enough-for-my-son Mom.  The quietly strong and ruling grandmother.  And on and on and so forth.

It is so rare that the lead actors and secondary characters are all Oriental, I mean,  Asian.

It got me to thinking…..about being Asian.

I never give race or background much thought.  I just don’t.  I can’t think of the last time I thought about being anything –  but tired and overworked!

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I’ve made no secret to my closest friends and relatives that 2018 was NOT the year I hoped for or would wish on my bitter enemy…

It wasn’t disastrous.  It wasn’t tragic.

It was just constant chaos and dastardly disruptions and man-made messes by mean people.

The year was extremely uncomfortable with a resounding absence of peace and calm.  Of course, there were heavenly highlights!….but believe me, way too many looming lowlights to offset the light of the highs!

I wrote very little this year.

 I found writing to be a laborious chore.  And I was completely uninspired and uncreative.

Until this week….

Here’s my short and sweet post for this bright and beautiful Monday in December.

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So to all of the fans of the movie, Crazy Rich Asians!!!!

I have to share this one nagging and menacing truth about being an Asian in America.

Since watching that movie, a simple fact emerged that really has bothered me for decades – but I never fully acknowledged it!

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“You know, She is…..” 

Too Caustic and Critical!  Too Rigid & Rehearsed!  Too Prepped & Planned!  Too Structured & Stiff!  Too much of a Perfectionist & Pedant!  Too Unyielding & too Uncompromising!  Too Formal & Fixed! Too Dictatorial & Demanding!

Too (fill in the blank)!

TOO, TOO Much of everything.

And my personal favorite put-down:  “She is…..A loner.  A snob.  Always – Keeps to herself.”

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U- N – L – E – S – S……those very characteristics directly benefit the same person spewing those unflattering adjectives and negative labels.

Then, and only then, those exact same traits become positively beneficial, a glowing attribute, and an advantage.

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“Ohhhhh!!!!  She is….!”

So Candid!  So Resolute!  So Prepared!  So Disciplined! So Solid & Stable!  So Capable!  So Tenacious! 

So Accomplished!  So Powerful!

And when my ‘Asian-ness’ positively affects someone’s life…..I suddenly transform from a Lousy Loner and Insufferable Snob to a “Quietly Confident” woman ….and a “private and particular” person.

Same personality traits.  Different views based on how it affects the viewer’s life.

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Does it sound like I am sick and tired of this stereotype?

You bet!  I am, indeed.

Was I born slightly OCD (obsessive-compulsive) and hard-wired for perfectionism?

Guilty as charged.

And even though I am jeered and sneered for being overly researched and prepared,

I am also cheered by those same people and called routinely as a resource and advisor.

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When I was Chairperson for an annual fundraiser, I was unrelentlessly criticized and ostracized – reduced to tears on several occasions both in private and public…until the final tally was tabulated and the influx of needed dollars funded major projects.

Then the accolades and congratulatory words flowed.

I was even begged to be event Chair the following year.  For another season of abuse?  Hmmmmm.

For weeks, I was the crazy over-the-top Asian (“You know how SHE is!”)….but ended up a celebrated Fundraiser.

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It’s true.  I have only 1 switch with 2 settings.  On and Off.

If you give me a task to do, I won’t sleep until it is completed to perfection.  It’s not that I intentionally want to be that way, I just am that way.

Is it cultural?  Is it in my DNA?  Is it familial?   I just don’t really know  And don’t really need to find out.

 “Find out who you are – and then, unapologetically be exactly that!”

(Paraphrasing something I read years ago.)

So take it from a slightly sane, not-so-rich, Asian….I am not trying to “out-do anybody”, “show anyone up”, “show-off to the world”, etc…..not at all.

This Asian is just being ME without an apology.

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Talk to you soon.

This is the first time in my life that I have written about my Asian heritage.

Hurray for that movie!  I think I’ll watch it again….